Permission Denied
How to Stop Waiting for Others to Validate Your Dreams
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Permission Denied
"You should probably have a backup plan."
My father said this when I told him I was leaving corporate to build my own business. He meant well—he was trying to protect me from failure.
But what he was really saying was: "I don't believe this will work."
For weeks, I wrestled with self-doubt. Maybe he was right. Maybe I was being naive. Maybe I should wait until I had more experience, more credentials, more proof that I deserved to pursue this path.
That's when I realized I was doing something dangerous: seeking permission to live my own life.
Here's what 20 years of publishing and building an online business taught me:
The people whose permission you're seeking will never give it to you. Not because they don't love you, but because your dreams threaten their worldview of what's possible.
When you ask someone to validate a path they've never walked, you're asking them to admit that they could have chosen differently too. Most people aren't ready for that conversation.
The Permission Trap:
We're conditioned from childhood to seek approval before taking action:
"Can I go outside?" "May I be excused?" "Is it okay if I try this?"
This conditioning follows us into adulthood, where we unconsciously seek permission for our biggest decisions:
- Asking family if our business idea is "realistic"
- Waiting for industry experts to confirm we're "ready"
- Looking for signs that we're "qualified enough"
- Seeking validation from people who've never done what we want to do
The cruel irony? The people you're asking for permission are often the ones who played it safe their entire lives.
My Permission-Seeking Years:
From 2008—2011, I had written the rough draft of a book about productivity and personal development. Instead of finishing it, I spent months revising it, throwing it aside, picking it up again, listening to other peoples opinions if I should continue or give up.
My boss said, "Focus on your real career first." My friends said, "Everyone's writing books these days." Industry experts said, "You need more credentials."
I listened. I waited. I sought more opinions.
The book sat unpublished for two more years.
Finally, I realized: I was outsourcing my confidence to people who had never written a book, never built a business, never taken the risks I was considering.
I was asking tourists for directions to a destination they'd never visited.
The Permission Paradox:
The people qualified to give you permission don't need your request—they're too busy building their own dreams.
The people available to give you permission aren't qualified—they're stuck in the same system you're trying to escape.
The moment I stopped asking:
In 2018, I decided to launch my first online course without seeking anyone's opinion. No market research surveys. No family consultations. No expert validations.
I just built it and launched it.
$2,000 in the first month. $10,000 in the second month.
More importantly, I proved to myself that I didn't need permission to create value for others.
The Permission Audit:
Whose permission are you seeking right now?
- Parents who chose security over fulfillment
- Friends who've never started a business
- Colleagues trapped in the same system you want to leave
- "Experts" who profit from your dependence on their approval
- Society's invisible jury that judges every unconventional choice
None of these people have to live with the consequences of your choices. Only you do.
The Validation Addiction:
Seeking permission becomes addictive because it feels like research, but it's actually procrastination disguised as preparation.
Every "What do you think?" conversation delays the moment when you have to trust your own judgment and take action.
Building my community taught me this:
Over 15+ years of working with thousands of people, I've noticed a pattern: the ones who succeed fastest are those who stop asking for permission and start asking for feedback AFTER they've taken action.
They don't say, "Do you think I should start a podcast?" They say, "I started a podcast. What do you think of episode 3?"
The Permission-Free Framework:
1. Internal Validation First Before seeking anyone else's opinion, get clear on your own conviction. If you don't believe in your dream, no amount of external validation will sustain you through challenges.
2. Expertise-Based Input Only If you must seek input, only ask people who have successfully done what you're attempting. Everyone else is just sharing their fears disguised as wisdom.
3. Action Before Approval Start building before seeking validation. It's easier to get feedback on something real than something theoretical.
4. Deadline for Deciding Set a date by which you'll stop gathering opinions and start taking action. Otherwise, you can research and ask forever.
The Freedom Declaration:
Here's your official permission slip:
You are allowed to:
- Pursue dreams that others don't understand
- Leave secure situations for uncertain opportunities
- Build something that doesn't exist yet
- Charge money for your expertise
- Change direction when something isn't working
- Succeed beyond what others thought possible for you
The only signature required is your own.
What I wish I'd known earlier:
The people who love you will often be your biggest resistance because they fear losing you to a world they don't understand.
This isn't about cutting people off—it's about not letting their fears become your limitations.
The Permission Paradox Resolution:
Stop asking for permission to live your life and start asking for support in living it well.
"Do you think I should start this business?" becomes "I'm starting this business. How can I do it better?"
"Am I ready for this opportunity?" becomes "I'm taking this opportunity. What should I watch out for?"
Your Next Move:
Identify one dream you've been seeking permission to pursue.
Stop asking if you should do it.
Start asking how you can do it better.
The world doesn't need your compliance with other people's limitations.
It needs your commitment to your own possibilities.
Permission denied? Good. You never needed it anyway.
Your dreams are waiting for your decision, not other people's approval.
Make the decision. Take the action. Seek feedback from the results, not opinions about the possibilities.
The life you want won't build itself while you're waiting for permission to build it.
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Scott Allan
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